Portfolio / Iwana Johannsen

Greeting ladies and gentlemen (the term is to be applied judiciously)

Welcome to Serendipity. If you are reading this for the first time, the loose premise of these musings can be found in the provenance email fromSeptember 2023 or as I as recall the month that we finally finished watching the entirety of Netflix due to COVID ruining the world.

In short, this is an asymmetric newsletter. Meaning the effort and time it takes to read it has an inverse relationship with the value it provides.

After the legions of repetitive emails I received for missing March and April’s newsletters I decided that it was high time that I adjusted my google settings and turned off my daily reminders.

But I have been busy.

The conflicts in Ukraine and Iran have had an affect on so many. In my case, it inspired me to deploy drone technology to defend my yard from the swarms of flies my sinister neighbour sends over the wall because he refuses to pick up the mess created by his three enormous dogs.

I have been forced into an uneasy alliance with unlikely strategic partners, the Home Owners Association and the Township Code Enforcer. These notoriously limp organizations have now become key economic sanctions in my campaign. LLM workflows process aerial footage captured by my semi-automated drone, piloted by my daughter (Lucy 12yrs) from our strategic command center, codenamed back-porch, and generate strongly worded daily intelligence reports documenting escalating levels of canine negligence along the border.

My children often dance with glee when animal control arrives to “check in.” These micro-victories reassure my resistance fighters that our cause is just.

Inspired by Israel’s Iron Dome, I have fortified our perimeter. What was once a simple boundary wall now resembles a medieval fortress, complete with turrets in the form of $10 refillable fly traps placed every two feet. Each unit captures up to 20,000 flies per deployment.

There is, however, one operational challenge. The smell of two-week-old fly attractant combined with thousands of decomposing bodies is among the worst odors I have encountered in civilian life. As such, maintenance has been delegated to our most feared battalion, the 2nd-grade infantry.

Using a step stool, rubber gloves, a nose plug, and a level of courage rarely seen in modern warfare, Rosie (7yrs) single-handedly ensures that only minimal enemy forces breach our defenses. She has been awarded the Chocolate Chip Cross multiple times for bravery in the fog of war.

I do not know how or when this conflict will end. What I do know is that necessity is the mother of invention, and the future of neighborly disputes has been permanently altered. If anyone has additional espionage tactics or tools I can deploy, either to eliminate flies or mildly inconvenience my neighbor, I am open to immediate collaboration.

Moving on.

This month’s serendipitous moment comes from what was described as a “delightful encounter” between February’s feature, Dr David White, and last June’s feature, Kyle Shenk.

They met, discussed the outdoors, and drank craft beer. While this is technically the default setting for most middle-aged men with dadbods, something slightly more productive appears to have happened beneath the surface.

Early signs point to the kind of connection that quietly opens doors, creates momentum, and reminds us why this whole thing exists in the first place.

Moving on, on.

Despite everything you have just read, there are still people in this world doing genuinely thoughtful, intelligent work.

Meet Iwana Johannsen.

Iwana Johannsen

After a career in tech startups, Iwana is now building what she calls a portfolio career. A phrase that sounds both exciting and mildly terrifying, particularly for those of us who grew up believing in stable jobs, pensions, and marrying well.

Her writing is human, clear, and actually useful. Not AI-generated slop pretending to be insight. Given where I am in life, the fact that she is younger somehow makes her perspective more interesting, not less.

It does raise an uncomfortable question. Should I be preparing my children for a portfolio career, or quietly steering them toward something with benefits and a 401k?

If you have attention challenges, follow her on LinkedIn.
If you appreciate thoughtful, human-centric essays, follow her on Substack.
If you want help building your own version of this career, you should probably just talk to her directly.

Lastly, thank you for reading this far. I genuinely mean it. Your time is incredibly valuable, and I do feel guilty for approximately seven seconds for wasting it.

Then I forget about you completely.

Cheers.